me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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