I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
