i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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