Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize