I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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