Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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