I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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