i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize