Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
