why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
