The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
