Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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