I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
