I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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