There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
