Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
