I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize