just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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