I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
