Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
