I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
