Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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