For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
