Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
