I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
