Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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