Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
