she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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