They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
