She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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