Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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