we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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