Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
