I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
