just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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