I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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