I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
