The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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