Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
