i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
