there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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