Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
