hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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