sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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