I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
