I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
