Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
