You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
