I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dicks are not precious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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