New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
