her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
