all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
