If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
