Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she told me i tasted like america
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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