My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
