i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
