Fuck appropriateness.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
