She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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