the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
