I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
