I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
