I want to make a zoo with you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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