He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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