How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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