You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
