Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
